I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
