Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
