My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
