I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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