she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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