I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize