Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
