You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
