your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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