we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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