I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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