im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
