Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
