we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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