Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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