To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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