I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
