For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
