I'm gonna have a badass scar
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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