You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
