the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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