Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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