the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
