Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize