i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
