just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize