So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
