It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize