Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she smelled like a LAN party
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we're making bets on your personal life
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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