I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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