he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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