I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
