Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
