she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Floor bacon is actually really good
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
