Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
