Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
