The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
