a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
