So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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