did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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