I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
