Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
