Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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