Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
