i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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