If i come over, it means nothing
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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