just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
