in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
