Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just want nice things and good sex
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were trust falling into bushes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
