look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
