as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
