Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
