So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
