I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
