He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
