i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
