1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
