Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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