nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
