And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
