my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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