i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We don't watch enough power rangers
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
