just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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