My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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