so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize