I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
