I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My life is pants optional.
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