I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
