i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
