My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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